Tuesday, June 4, 2013


The other day, I promised pictures of this new non-boob that I have. Before I show them I have a silly analogy to explain what my right breast now looks like. I don't know if this analogy is at all accurate, as the morning Dr. Baum was removing the implant, I was in a little pain from his pulling and scraping and a little shock from this second failure of the stitches, so I didn't ask questions. But I think my boob is a little like a Build-a-Bear.

When you choose your animal at Build-a-Bear in the mall, it has a non-sewn hole in its side. The stuffing technician helps you put as much filling into your bear as you wish. Firm? Fluffy? Your choice. Then the technician stitches up the hole and off you go, assuming your bear's seam will stay closed forever.

With my right boob, the skin had been irradiated. The stitches they use in people, as opposed to stuffed animals, do not remain in forever. Our skin is supposed to heal and stick itself together. When the stitches dissolved (or whatever they do), my skin couldn't hold on and pealed apart, exposing my stuffing. Even a second try with more stitches didn't work. So now, my stuffing has been completely removed.

The part I didn't expect is that Dr. Baum seems to have stitched the skin not only to itself, but to whatever is behind it. Imagine your stuffed animal without any stuffing, then the technician does the sewing while the bear is on a table. The thread picks up not only two sides of the opening, but the material on the other side. So for my boob, there's a serious crater. I'm not talking a little indented scar. I'm talking inverted breast.

So without further adieu, here's a clothed picture of this failed Build-a-Boob.

And here's a link to the nudie picture #1 (taken in a mirror so backwards) and picture #2. (Warning - NOT PRETTY!)

What's next? I'm so done with this. I really just want the other implant out so I'm not lopsided (for physical, not aesthetic reasons). Boobs have been nothing but trouble for the last 16 months, so good riddance. I'm wondering if the skin can be flattened out, but that's just cosmetic and I'm willing to have two crater boobs and/or wait for that plastic surgery.

However, Dr. Baum's suggestion during the removal surgery was a prosthetic for the right breast and keep the left implant. I'm meeting with him Thursday for my one week follow-up (and to get the drain out!!!), so we'll see whose opinion wins. Plus, there are more options like "flap" surgeries. I think that's grafting skin from my tummy or back onto the right breast to replace the damaged skin, but those evidently have long recoveries, and I'm definitely not interested in that.

I really don't think I'll change my mind about not wanting boobs anymore, but I'll keep you updated about what decisions are made or if any other options come up.

Finally, don't worry about me. I'm not overly strong or inspirational. I'm just doing what any of you would do in my situation: Living my life and being with my family. Nothing brave about it.


  1. I hope you get good and easy solutions from the doctor.

  2. You most certainly are brave :-)

  3. NOT overly strong or inspirational??????? I beg to differ!!! You are amazing! Oh...and I'm pretty sure your "defunct" boob is still bigger than what I have....I am trying really hard not to be jealous! :-)

  4. You are an inspiration ...I pass your story along to others all the time. Hang in there. Do what's best for YOU.

  5. Hi Shari, My name is Lisa Masters and I published "Build-A-Boob....after the cure!" last March. It sounds like we had a similar experience. Fat injections (liposuction) repaired the radiated skin that prevented me from holding expanders or implants for a very long time. Ask your doctor if that might be an option for you. Good luck.

  6. I enjoyed Build-a-boob! Here's my journey: http://whataboobie.blogspot.com/